Some people are naturals at losing clients
For the rest of us, here’s an easy-to-follow guide to dozens of techniques guaranteed to cause clients to walk.
Choose one technique or creatively combine several. Then wait for the inevitable.
Each technique is illustrated by real world examples (some unbelievably ambitious).
PROMISE
THEM
ANYTHING
This book is essential reading for every self-absorbed business owner.
All the tough issues are tackled.
How to make sure every client loss takes you by complete surprise.
What to do when clients stop worshipping at the Church of You.
How to make clients grateful for seeing you once a year.
How to offend clients who aren’t easily offended.
What to do when clients expect you use their crappy product.
How to infuriate the detail-obsessed.
How to show deadlines the proper amount of disdain.
How to feel comfortable making promises you won’t keep.
How to tell clients where they can put their complaints.
Why you should stop short of doing anything that’ll land you in jail.
HOW TO ENSURE YOU DON’T SEE IT UNTIL IT’S TOO LATE
IN THE MEDIA
“Brilliant!”
Grigor Grigorovich
“Muy insightful.”
Goyo Alderiños
“Enlightening.”
Gregers Ølder
“Most essential.”
Grzegorz Aldresznosz
“Goddam this is good.”
Gregg ‘Big G’ Alderperson
“Love the steak knives.”
G.A. of B.H.
“It worked.”
Inmate 224597, Cook County Jail
“Illuminating.”
Gregorius XVIII
HEAR THE SPEECH
Greg presents The Fine Art of Losing Clients as a keynote speech.
(Others include The Mass Murderer’s Guide to Killing Innovation, How to Avoid Winning Business, How to Be Invisible and more.)
To book a speaking engagement, please complete the form below.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Greg Alder has been losing clients for decades. Every technique described in this book has been field-tested on famous global brands.
Greg is a former student of architecture and psychology. He has worked in marketing research, and as a writer & Creative Director on 3 continents.
He runs creativity, innovation and branding programs for clients around the world and lives on Australia’s east coast. He speaks. Sometimes for money.
Some of you might wonder what Greg looks like. Here’s a photo.*
* Of someone similar to Greg. Same sex, same number of eyes, ears & limbs etcetera. Even the eye colour is a pretty good match.
CONTACT GREG
Greg can answer most questions (but not ones about quantum entanglement, Donald Trump, the length of a piece of string or missing socks). He’s open to consulting offers, partnerships and lunch.